Rock-paper-scizzors?

I understand how scizzors can beat paper, and rock can beat scizzors, but there's no way that paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immoblie? If so, why can't paper do this to scizzors? Screw scizzors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because it's preposterous! Paper can't beat up anybody! A rock could mangle a sheet of paper in seconds. When I play rock-paper-scizzors, I always choose rock. Then, when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist, and say "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you. ...Idiot."